An Awkward Conversation with Google+

Still Together After All These Years

Oh, hey Google+, long time no see! What’s it been, three or four weeks now? Wow, really – July you say? Time flies. Yeah, I’d been meaning to swing by, but you know how it is, always something else coming up, never enough time to get around to see everyone.

Thanks for the invite to your housewarming by the way; it was nice. I thought small and intimate was definitely the way to go, and you really took the time to make everyone there feel special. As far as the layout of your new digs, you had some really cool ideas, and I liked what you did with the place. So yeah, thanks again.

How was the big shindig the other day? I heard you threw open the doors and let everyone in; how’d that go? Must’ve been a wild one, because you wouldn’t believe how many total strangers I had come to my door after swinging through your place. There goes the neighborhood right?

Just kidding. Anyway, how’ve you been? Keeping busy?

Y’know, I thought I heard something about that, the video chat/hangout thing. How’s that working out for you? I’ve heard a few people mention it, so it must be big news around your parts. Although, you just know the neighbors will be building their own soon – it’s hard to stay ahead of the Smiths, Joneses, and Zuckerbergs. Sounds like you’ve been running in circles!

Sorry, bad joke.

I gotta say, Google+, you’re still looking great. It’s a nice clean look you’ve got going, I really like it. I hadn’t seen you a while, but seeing you again for the first time I’m reminded how I liked your appearance from the moment we first met; it’s probably the thing I like best about you.

Hmmm? Oh, yeah, yeah, Facebook and I are still together, doing well. How long have we been together now? Well, just let me try to remember the timeline here…yeah, would be about four years now.

Ha ha, let me tell you – she was a little panicked when she learned you moved in down the street. For like a week she went nuts, tearing around the place trying to spruce it up; she was practically screaming “what do I need to change to convince you to stay? I’ll do anything!”. Things have calmed down now, and she realizes you’re not a threat; she back focusing on us and our relationship together.

Oh, geez, Google+, I didn’t think you’d go there, and I don’t really want to get caught up in a whole big thing. I know you want me to leave Facebook to be with you, but c’mon, you know it’s not that cut and dried. Can we change the subject? Tell me, what’s up with Wave? Haven’t seen them in what seems like forever…

Okay, look, if you really want to go down this road, we will. I don’t want you to take it personally, but to be honest? I’m just not that in to you.

There, I said it.

Hey, hey now, I didn’t say that to get you upset; I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Things aren’t that bad – you’ve got a lot of things going for you, and I’m sure there are plenty of other people who would be happy to be a part of your life. It’s just…Facebook and I are happy together, and I’ll level with you – they give me everything I need, and more.

They’ve taken the time to learn what I like, and they’ve been awesome about organizing my stuff around the place. Plus (oh sorry, not you), they’re not afraid to keep things exciting. I don’t want to kiss and tell, but I mean there’s this new Netflix thing they’re doing that’s just amazing, and don’t get me started on Spotify!

Is she perfect? No, but at the end of the day we’re comfortable together, and we’ve invested a lot in each other, and I can’t imagine pulling out and starting over. I’m happy where I’m at, and you just don’t offer me anything better than what I’m already getting with FB.

I hope you understand, and who knows? Maybe someday you and I can have some kind of special relationship of our own! It might not be the same as the one I have with Facebook, but I still have a great time hanging out with Twitter, so it’s not like there’s room for just one social media platform in my life. But, as it stands, I’m a Facebook man, and will be for the foreseeable future.

Anyways, look, I gotta go; I’m running late for a lunch meeting with someone. Who? Oh, maybe you’ve heard of them – Foursquare? Yeah, we’ve been having a lot of fun together – they really know how to bring something unique to the table. It’s like – I can’t imagine what I did before they were in my life, y’know? Well, maybe you don’t.

Anyhow, good luck with everything, and who knows, maybe we’ll run into each other again some day.

Oh, and if you run into MySpace, tell them they still owe me a few hours of my life back!


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2 responses to “An Awkward Conversation with Google+

  1. This is pretty much my own personal experience too. I kinda check in on Google+ every now and then (like once a week) to see if anything’s changed. Nothing has.
    Only a few of my friends have gmail accounts, but ALL my friends have Facebook accounts and yeah, it meets my wants. Consequently, Google+ has all kinds of people I don’t know that are putting me in all kinds of circles. Why?
    I have no idea. Probably to sell me something.

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